"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
