No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
