worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
