I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
