so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do herpes really smell.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
