You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
