She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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