dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
