Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
