guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please, let me fuck your mom
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
