so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
