her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
