this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
