It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
