Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
