I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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