After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
