very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
