This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
