Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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