Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
