do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I want is dick and wine.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
