its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
