she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
