Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Randomize
