Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
