I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
