Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
