Umm I'm too high to move.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
