so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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