I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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