I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
