fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
