I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
