im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
