Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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