She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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