I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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