he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
