moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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