Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
