giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
