you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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