How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
