I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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