Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
