it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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