okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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