someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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