Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
