DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
