I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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