Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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