who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
