don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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