Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
