so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
