Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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