next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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