I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
