If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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