I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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