I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
