I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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