Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

capris are just wrong

(703): View more from Virginia

its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"

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(865): View more from Tennessee

you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?

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(416): View more from Ontario

I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.

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(949): View more from California

this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head

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(804): View more from Virginia

They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.

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(705): View more from Ontario

Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.

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(305): View more from Florida

Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me

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(716): View more from New York

In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....

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