it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
