You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
