am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
