Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
