Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
