never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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