So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
