i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
