she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
