I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
