She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
