I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
